


What Can I Help You With?

by xAbsinthexx



Category: Septiplier - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Confessions, Embarrassment, Even though it's not mentioned he was hanging Christmas lights ok, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, accidental confessions, ladders - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 21:33:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8912878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xAbsinthexx/pseuds/xAbsinthexx
Summary: Jack is Irish, Siri is a 'voice recognising' robot.
It doesn't end well.





	

How this happened, Jack will never know. One minute everything was fine, the next, well… His pants were around his ankles, denim lodged somewhere between the metal rungs of the ladder. This being the only thing that kept him from dropping 20 feet down to the frozen earth head first. He had slipped. He was stuck. Upside down. In the middle of December.

Jack shivered when the cool air once again brushed against his bare legs, and he knew he couldn’t stay like this for long. His stomach lurched when the ladder swayed slightly with the wind. As embarrassing as this was, he needed to get help, and fast. Jack dug around in his hoodie for a few seconds before his fingers touched the cold metal that represented his phone. With a victory breath, he pulled it out, quickly punching in the passcode by instinct. However, the glare of the sun presented a new problem. He couldn’t see any of his apps, let alone the keypad for his phone. With a grumble, Jack pressed down on the home button long enough for the telltale beep to sound.

“What can I help you with?” Siri asked in her ever so familiar monotone voice.

“Siri, Call Felix,” Jack mumbled, his head starting to feel floaty from being upside down for so long.

“Calling Ken…” Siri responded, a few rings beginning to sound through.

Jack sighed and pressed the home button again. His Irish accent always got him into trouble with the robot. How the fuck Felix sound like Ken?

“What can I help you with?”

“Call Felix,”

“Calling Marzia…”

“Th’FUCK? No!” Jack shouted, forcefully pressing the home button. Big mistake. His freezing hands buckled from the sudden movement, causing his fingers to release the phone. Jack watched it fall as if it were in slow motion, his only lifeline slowly falling to the ground.

There was a pregnant pause.

“What can I help you with?”

Jack’s heart jumped. His phone still worked! Though the voice was faint, but Jack was pretty sure he could have a conversation if he yelled loud enough. Now he just needed Siri to cooperate with him.

“Call Felix!” Jack shouted, the ladder beginning to sway again. He held his breath as he listened for the telltale robot voice.

“Calling Mark…”

NO NO NO NO NO.

Mark couldn’t find him like this. Jack would never be able to look him in the eye ever again.

He’d rather have his neighbour come home to see him in his tighty-whities, probably passed out upside down on the ladder. Anyone would be better than Mark.

Not that Mark wasn't his friend, he was actually one of Jack’s best friends, but…

He felt his face heat up, despite the cold conditions and the queasiness in his stomach.

These past few months had been different.

It was always little things. Like his heart rate increasing at his friend’s touch, or his face heating up when Mark ran a hand through his hair.

When it first started to happen, Jack could deny it with ease. If anyone asked him now, it would be hopeless to try to contradict it: he was hopelessly in love with the man.

Jack would never hear the end of him getting stuck on the ladder upside down with his pants around his ankles, either, but he was hardly concerned about the latter.

But as much as he silently pleaded for Mark not to pick up, apparently the universe had other plans.

“Hello?” A deep male voice sounded through the phone. Jack buried his face in his hands. Fuck.

“Hey Mark,” Jack called, hoping the phone would pick up on his voice. When had he gotten so quiet?

“Jack? Is that you? You’re a little hard to hear,” Mark shouted, wondering if Jack was having the same problem.

Jack paused, tears starting to form in the corner of his eyes. Why was this happening to him? “Can yeh come over fer a second…? I… I slipped,” He pushed out, finding it increasingly difficult to form words.

“Oh God, are you okay? I’ll be right over, where are you?” Mark said quickly, and Jack could faintly hear some movement. Mark really was coming over.

“Yeah, m’fine. Just a little… dizzy. M’out in my yard. You know yeh don’t have to come over, right?” Jack mumbled the last part, the world around him coming in and out of focus.

“Nonsense, Jack, I’ll be over in five,” Mark mumbled, the sound of a starting car drowning him out.

“Okay,” Jack breathed, blinking away the heaviness in his chest. The ladder swayed back and forth gently with the wind, but Jack didn’t shiver. His legs had gone numb.

A small, barely audible click, indicates that Mark had hung up. Jack released a hoarse laugh, burying his hands in his face once again, a pitiful attempt at hiding his shame.

It was only a few minutes later when Jack heard someone pull into his driveway. At this point, he was loopy. His head was spinning, black dots clouded his vision, and tears had wet the ends of his green hair. Never had he been so embarrassed.

“Jack! I’m here! Where are you?” Mark called from the front of the house, his voice stabbing into Jack’s head like a knife.

He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. Instead, he surprised even himself with the great sob that was stripped from his throat. He blinked twice, of course, he had to make it worse than what it was.

Mark rounded the corner at breakneck speed, scared to death that Jack was seriously injured. His jaw dropped with what he was greeted with.

Jack waved weakly, a few stray tears sliding down his forehead. Mark eyed him up and down.

“A-Ah… You’re okay?” He asked carefully, eyes resting upon Jack’s beet red face.

“Ye-Yeh… Just a little dizzy… A-And…“ Jack slapped a palm over his face, sniffling, “God, this is so embarrassing… C-Can you please jus’ get me down from here?”

Mark nodded, slowly taking a few steps towards the ladder.

It didn’t take long before Mark’s strong arms were wrapped around his body, attempting to tug him free.

No give.

“Jack,” Mark coughed, “Your pants are going to have to come off.” He finished, Jack convulsing in his arms.

“Yeah… Okay, go for it.” He mumbled, shivering. As if on instinct, he placed his mittened hands in front of his eyes.

Mark tugged at his jeans, laughing awkwardly when they wouldn’t come off. “Ah… Jack?”

Jack groaned, apparently asking the universe what he did to deserve this. “Yeh…?”

“The shoes have to come off as well,” Mark said, scratching the back of his head.

“Yeh, okay just… get on with it,” Jack sighed, shifting uncomfortably from Mark’s body heat.

Struggling, Mark managed to wiggle a shoe off of Jack’s foot, one leg finally popping free from its denim confinement. Jack swung to the right, shrieking.

“Jaysus Mark! Gimme a warning first!” Jack grumbled, shooting Mark a dirty look from under his mittens.

“Fuck you, this isn’t as easy as it looks!” Mark shot back, face heating up.

Hesitantly, Mark placed a hand under Jack’s back, prepared to catch him once he was freed from the other shoe. He began working on it, slower this time.

“M-Mark, wait,” Jack stuttered, now fully aware of the drop beneath him. What if Mark dropped him?

“Jack, relax. I’m not going to drop you, I promise,” Mark confirmed, still trying to wriggle Jack out of his shoe.

Jack uncovered his face and looked Mark in the eye. Mark gave a small nod, and Jack relaxed slightly. He trusted Mark.

A few more manoeuvres and he was free. Body dropping into Mark’s free arm. Quickly, Mark positioned him into a fireman’s carry, allowing him to climb back down the ladder with ease.

Jack shook violently. Not from the cold, from the fact he was being carried down a ladder by his crush/best friend, without any pants. His face and legs were numb from the cold.

A few more tears slid down Jack’s face, unbeknownst to him.

Mark obviously did, though, “Hey,” he murmured, “it’s okay, you’re safe,”

At long last, Jack reached the bottom, and Mark carefully lifted him to his feet.

The blood rushed out of his head, and Jack’s legs wobbled beneath him. “M-Mark… I-I c-can’t…“ He tried, his body shaking intensely.

Mark quickly secured his hands around Jack’s waist, allowing him to remain to stand.

That didn’t help with his other problem, though. The blood continued to evacuate Jack’s head, leaving him lightheaded. Black patches littered his vision, and his knees gave out from beneath him.

Jack fell forwards, despite Mark’s supports, and the last thing he felt before fading into blackness was a pair of warm lips on his own, chapped ones.

When he came to, he was surrounded by warmth. He let out a breathy laugh when he discovered it was just a dream, but the laugh caught in his throat when he realised where the warmth was radiating from.

Pressed against him on the couch, was Mark, snoring gently, with lines of tears staining his cheeks. Jack almost screamed.

Before he had a chance to, though, Mark’s eyes began to flutter open, focusing on his surprised ones.

“You’re awake,” Mark said simply, blinking a few times.

“Y-Yeh… I guess I am… what happened?” Jack muttered although he was fairly aware of what happened. He’d passed out on the poor American. But he was curious as to how he got here.

Mark’s face lit up, almost matching his floof of red hair. “W-Well, when you passed out, I took you inside, then I went to go get your pants and when I came back, I-I just… I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He finished, barely.

Jack pulled himself into a sitting position, with Mark doing the same, “Fuck, m’head… How long was I out?” He asked, stretching.

Mark checked his phone, “Only for an hour,” He replied, still not looking at Jack.

Jack’s frowned, Mark was usually so confident. He’d never seen him act like this before. His cheeks grew warm with realisation. “M-Mark… did I kiss you?” Jack asked carefully, playing with the bracelets on his arms. A nervous habit.

Mark tensed beside him, and, if possible, turned an even deeper shade of scarlet, “W-Well… sort of.” He breathed, barely a whisper.

Jack groaned into his hands, “Fuck,” he mumbled, “I’m sorry,” He felt his heart sink to his stomach, Jack was sure he’d just ruined any chance he may have had with Mark.

“N-No, it’s okay, it’s just… that’s not how I imagined our first kiss would be,” Mark said, then suddenly, he stood up, pupils wide, blushing furiously, “T-That’s n-not, I-I didn’t m-mean… I-I… f-fuck… I-I… t-thinking out l-loud, y-you weren’t supposed to hear th-that,” He sighed, “fuck.”

Jack sat with his jaw hanging open, eyes blown wide with surprise. His heart gave a flutter inside his chest as he stared at the floor, trying to decide what to do next. Eventually, he spoke, albeit a whisper, “Y’know, w-we could redo it if you want?” He asked timidly, biting his bottom lip. Again, another nervous habit.

Mark looked taken aback and stared at Jack as if he had ten heads.

Jack, finding some sort of buried courage, stood to meet Mark’s eyes for only the third time that day. Both men were flushed in embarrassment, but both were smiling as well.

Their fingers intertwined as they both leant in, their lips meeting with a spark.

When at last, they pulled apart, they laughed. Not an awkward laugh, a full-bodied, gut laughter that only came from the first kiss between best friends.

“You have no clue how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Mark said, eyes twinkling.

Jack pulled Mark in for another kiss, deciding that he forgave Siri for her fuck up. He pulled away only once more to utter a couple of words,

“I think I have an idea.”


End file.
